We’re Moving

7 Dec

Starting today, I will no longer be posting at thetwentyfiveproject.wordpress.com.

My new home will be thetwentyfiveproject.tumblr.com OR in a few days… thetwentyfiveproject.net. Yay, we’re a real website!

Please update your bookmarks, readers, memory and visit my journey over there.

xo

Week of Words

6 Dec

As I’ve written before, I’m a sucker for lyrics. I’m insanely jealous of songwriters and only dream to be as poetic with my words.

So I thought, why not choose one of the busiest weeks I could possibly have to start a challenge? I mean, who am I to not make it easy. Every day this week I will post lyrics to 3 songs. These songs don’t necessarily have to do with my life or they might. If you know, you know.

So to kick off this week of words, I’ll start with my favorite lyricist (and musician) of all-time, Kevin Devine. His lyrics are the most intense, most profound, most perfect words I have ever read and heard. He has an insane way of capturing exactly what is being felt in any single moment. He paints such a picture that I get lost in every song he sings and it’s hard to pick only 3 for today. My life changed when I heard his music four years ago.

Ballgame

A good man doesn’t drink
And I’ve been drinking alone
So what does that make me?

My hands they always shake
And no one’s calling my phone
So what does that make me?

And I know the kid with his guitar
So drunk and anxious
Has been done to death
So tell me what hasn’t
I’ll try it

Because I’m selfish enough to wanna get better
But I’m backwards enough not to take any steps to get there

And when you realize it’s a pattern
And not a phase
It’s what you’ve become and it’s what you will stay
That’s ballgame

‘Cause I don’t got room in my life for anyone else
And I’ve driven away all the people that could help
And I still don’t even know what I need to do to fix myself

There’s a clamp around my chest
That tightens every time I lapse into
Another sorry story

About my miserable collapse
A bronze box I keep encased in glass
And dust off whenever I want your pity

‘Cause lately I’ve had to come to grips with scope and figure
How my problems stack up in a world two steps from ruin
(Or maybe it’s rapture)

Well, either way, I realize that my shit’s about as small as it could be
But that makes me feel worse for even feeling this bad in the first place

‘Cause there’s a war starting soon, and all the flags’ll be waving
Daniel’s 20-year-old friend will be ready, and willing, and waiting
He’s a Marine and he told me

And that makes me sad
Really, really fucking sad
But at least he’ll act

I’ll just bite my tongue and then say, “Daniel you wish him luck
or pray that he comes back for his mother’s sake”,
and then I’ll drink those thoughts away
I’ve gotten good at that

And when you realize it’s a pattern
And not a phase
It’s what you’ve become and it’s what you will stay
That’s ballgame

 

Another Bag of Bones

It’s a brushfire spreading, feeding as it moves
It’s a disappeared glacier; it’s the airborne flu
It’s your disbelieving eyes logging concrete miles
It’s your yawning conscience and your lawyer’s smile
It’s an occupied country foaming at the mouth
No smoking gun, no mushroom cloud
It’s a military mother with a boy in hell
And it’s a flag-draped casket down an oil well
It’s an Argentine school-girl gagged and bound
It’s a torture camp; it’s a long way down
It’s the constant bracing shock of now
And it’s the whole damn world turned inside out, alright

It’s a march to extinction with your god in step
It’s his name in your mouth; it’s his cross on your neck
It’s a farm boy sprinting over desert dirt
And he’s panting the ‘Our Father’ in staccato spurts
Now that’s his automatic rifle and it tells no lies
It’s his truth in your stomach, it’s no alibi
But the trouble lies on the other side
With an equal truth prepping for his holy night
He sees the crescent and the star blink in the virgin sky
And hears the call of milk and honey from the afterlife
And as he eases to the checkpoint, he is calm and sure
It’s collateral damage; it’s the cost of war
It’s another bag of bones for the Gods to sort
It’s just another bag of bones for the Gods to sort

Well it’s a species disappearing, all the birds fly south
In a January heatwave, in a pulsing crowd
It’s an African Militia, kids with sub-machines
It’s a conflict diamond on your bride-to-be
It’s the dispossessed lining up at every gate
It’s the facts worth facing, faced way too late
It’s the mission of modernity, go get what’s yours
Til there’s nothing leftover to go get no more
And it’s not what we’re owed, but it’s what we’ve earned
And it’s closer than we realise, and it’s time now to burn
And oh it’s time now to burn
And oh it’s time now to burn
And oh it’s time now to burn, to burn

Go Haunt Someone Else

The moralist on the mountaintop
The cap gun cowboy caught playing dress up
Patrols his cartoon beat with his costume clothes
The damn fool with his ten-top chip
His bourgeois blues and his heartbreak habit
Slings his lightening bolts, his arrows & stones

Well, you could do it forever
It won’t make it better
Cause you won’t find your mark
You could use a mirror
To see your target clearer,
All the bad blood that hijacked your heart
But you got what you asked for, so don’t even start:
You were never a victim.
So own what you did, son, admit what you are.

Dead weight in a tightrope trance
The pain pill preacher astray in his wasteland
Clenched teeth and a canyon he can’t close
But there’s me racing right along
The jukebox jester, stuck on the same song
A mouthful of lies, a head full of holes

Until I got worried
And saw the life I could lead
If I backed up off that rope
And let the ground come to me
Steady under my knees
I let my anger burn into hope
I asked for perspective, and it untied my hands
I see the role I played. I chose my own way.
I can’t blame you for that.

So when you’re sorry
And one day you will be
I wish you all the best
And hope that you drop softly
And it don’t end too badly
And your raging head can finally rest
And you can be honest and rescue yourself
But I’ll walk my own road. I’ll go where you won’t go.
You won’t put me through hell.
Cause now I see through you. Believe what you need to.
Go haunt someone else.

 

What are some of your favorite lyrics?

Currently listening to…

Song: You are the Daybreak

Artist: Kevin Devine

Stairs

5 Dec

“Being with you is like climbing a staircase. But I told you I like a challenge and when faced with the choice, I’d take the stairs over the escalator.” – said to me last night.

Every new person I meet makes me realize how incredibly complex I really am. Hearing someone’s initial perception of me is literally one of the most fascinating things. It’s an analysis of the “me” I give off. Often times, I find those first impressions are more true to who I actually am, than the impressions of people who’ve known me for a while. Why is that?

A few months ago, I wrote about my friend, Daniel, who left his New York City dream to return home. I quoted Rainer Maria Rilke and recently, that particular quote was quoted back to me. It’s the circle, you guys.

And I now realize it’s the theme of this calendar year.

Hanging on my fridge

Currently listening to…

Song: Breakin’ the Chains of Love

Artist: Fitz and the Tantrums

Wala

2 Dec

Passion.

It runs through my veins, leaves my lungs, clouds my brain, floods my finger tips and blinds me.

It seeps into every thought I have, every decision I make and everything I love and hate.

So while this word and concept permanently affects my life, I thought I would make it permanent on my body.

“Wala” means “passion” in Arabic. Not only is Arabic a beautiful language but it holds a special place in my heart.

My tattoo is as personal as my passion.

Still nervous even though it's my 4th tattoo

Least painful tattoo ever

Passion

Currently listening to…

Song: Ladders to Stars

Artist: Fielding

Once someone shows you who they are…

16 Nov

… believe them.

Realizing that a person isn’t who you thought they are is one of the most difficult things to wrap your head around. It’s hard to admit you were just so wrong. I’m not always the best at giving the benefit of the doubt but when I become invested in someone’s life or well-being, I will make excuses to defend behavior and ignore reality.

You teach people how to treat you.

 

Currently listening to…

Song: Everybody Knows

Artist: John Legend

 

Don’t worry, I’m alive…

12 Nov

I mean, if you’re someone that I talk to regularly then you know I have not gone missing. However, if you’re a reader that has never seen my red curly hair in person, you might be thinking I’ve abandoned the blog and my 25. It is not true.

Life happens and suddenly every attempt I make at updating this blog becomes overwhelming, so I do what anyone does when life becomes overwhelming and annoying… I run. Jaykay.

However, if you’re a writer or someone who writes anything ever, doesn’t it all become more real when it goes on “paper”? Writing it down gives it life and let’s be honest, sometimes it’s just a lot better to live in a fantasy (read: not deal.)

Life keeps happening and right now, I’m sitting here watching it happen around me and I’m paralyzed. I’m still in New York and I’m struggling more than ever with leaving. I just don’t want to. That also means that I’m in a constant state of reconciling two opposing feelings. The feeling of wanting to stay in my home with my family and the feeling of knowing that in order to pursue a lifelong dream, I probably have to leave. None of this is new to you guys and it’s not new to me. I keep thinking I will wake up one day and know the answer deep down inside.

That day hasn’t happened yet.

So instead, I wake up every morning, go to work, hang out with friends, date around, listen to lots of music and pretend that I don’t have this major life decision looming over my head.

 

My two girlfriends from college visiting our school a few weeks ago (Amber, me, Ashlyn)

Currently listening to…

Song: How Lucky We Are

Artist: Meiko

P.S. One of my readers, Mary, decided to start her own “25 Project.” Check out her blog to follow her journey. Way to go, Mary!

P.P.S. I’m in the process of moving this blog over to Tumblr. Stay tuned.

The Ultimate Best Friend

14 Oct

I can’t remember a time in my life when music didn’t surround me. From the cassettes I begged my mom to buy and the days of recording songs from the radio to tape to never leaving home without my iPod, music speaks for me in ways I’m not able to. It says everything I want to say and matches every emotion, every feeling, every thought in the most perfect and poetic way.

Finding new music is the sport I’m best at playing and I consider sharing music to be one of the most intimate things you can do. I’m leery of people who don’t know or connect to music in one way or another. While my first instinct is to judge on the basis of music taste (let’s be honest, I’m going to feel weird around you if you consider Jessica Simpson to be on the same level as Janet Jackson,) I’ve come to learn that loving music is like loving a tattoo. To you it might be beautiful and meaningful and to others, it might be hideous and pointless. But what it means to you is really all that’s important because it will last with you forever.

I end my posts with the song I’m listening to as I write them. I’ve been asked quite a bit about some of the artists I put up and what else I’m listening to. So from now until the end, I will be putting up my current play list for the week every week. These are the songs I’m listening to at the moment as I ride the subway, walk to work and go about my day. Some songs might repeat but I have a habit of doing that with songs (or things) I love. I just can’t get enough.

Week of 10/10/10

Song: Precious Stone, Rock Crowd, Velcro Shoes, Paradise Cove 1
Artist: Pete Yorn
Album: Pete Yorn (new album!)

Song: Something Deeper
Artist: Prospect Mali

Song: Let it Go
Artist: Tenth Avenue North

Song: Piano Song
Artist: Meiko

Song: Ready to Start
Artist: Arcade Fire

Song: Stars and Boulevards
Artist: Augustana

Song: Song Beneath the Song
Artist: Maria Taylor

Song: If It’s the Beaches
Artist: The Avett Brothers

Song: Stay Right Now
Artist: Allison Weiss

Song: Some Things Don’t Work Out
Artist: Joe Purdy

Enjoy 🙂

On another note, tonight I started my gratitude journal. It is a separate journal that is sitting next to my bed. The past few days have been quite rough but I’ve managed to find the good in my life and it’s my goal to write that everyday.

Currently listening to…

I’ll be honest, I’ve been glued to the TV for the Chilean miner rescue. Now, that’s something to be grateful for…