The Twenty Five

1. Finish this project

• In many ways, this seems very daunting and it would be like me to find a million excuses to not finish this or brush it aside…but not this year.

2. Go to the doctor regularly

• I don’t go to the doctor. Ever. I worked on a health care show for almost a year and only went to the dermatologist…once. In the quest to change my mind and my body, I need to take control of my health.

3. Run a race

• I really wish I liked running. It’s good for you in so many ways but my god, I hate running. It’s bores me to tears. I’ve always pictured crossing the finish line of a race and working towards that goal.

4. Call my family more often

• I’m very close to my mom. I’m an only child with divorced parents and an absent father. While my goal is not to build a relationship with my paternal family (they’ve never been part of my life and I don’t want them to be now), I think it’s a shame that I speak to virtually no members of my maternal family and my mom is very close to them. They’ve “been in my life” forever but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized they weren’t really. Living in New York and away from Chicago hasn’t helped this but in order to complete this task, I’ll need to explore why we’re not close in the first place.

5. Finish a book every month

• I love to read. Spending hours in Barnes and Noble is heavenly to me. You wouldn’t know that based on the number of books I’ve completed in the past few years.I’m notorious for starting a book and putting it down. I opt for my magazines on the subway and watch TV before I fall asleep.

6. Win my war with weight

• This is a very sensitive subject for me and one I knew I would be embarrassed to publicly address. I’ve struggled with my weight since puberty and my fear is that if I don’t get complete control of it now, I will never feel comfortable and I will always struggle. For my 25th birthday, I asked my mother to split the cost with me of a personal trainer. It will be one of the hardest things I’ve done but I’m excited for the challenge. I’m not naive enough to think that winning my war with weight is all about going to the gym. It’s about changing my relationship to food and I need to change that now.

7. Volunteer for something

• It’s no secret that giving back to others actually gives back to yourself. I will not be too busy to volunteer for a good cause.

8. Become physically stronger

• I’ve never been an athlete. I have no muscle and I’m not strong. In working with my trainer, I’m hoping this will change.

9. Keep my apartment clean and organized

• I’m the queen of walking in the front door and throwing my purse, shoes, coat, mail on a chair in my living room. By Friday, after a week of doing this, I’ve accumulated a bunch of crap that usually doesn’t get put away until two weeks later. I’ll try on clothes and leave them in a pile for weeks. While my apartment is never “dirty,” it never stays neat for more than a few days. I have a lovely apartment and I want to keep it that way.

10. Let go of a lot of my anger

• To try to explain this in an introductory paragraph doesn’t do justice to the larger issue. Am I an “angry person”? No. Does residual anger about my past and my childhood sink into every part of my life and is it becoming more noticeable to me? Yes.

11. Take my mom to dinner

• Every child thinks they have the best mom in the world and I really do. As we age, we begin to notice our parents as people with flaws. While I notice those things more now and I’m am sometimes critical, I also am understanding what a wonderfully kind, patient and beautiful person my mom is. My mom has given me everything I’ve wanted and while a simple dinner doesn’t repay her for that, it’s a small way for me to feel like I’m treating her.

12. Keep a gratitude journal

• On a broader scale, I realize how lucky I am in this life. I’m an incredibly appreciative person and I want a constant reminder of what I’m thankful for each day.

13. Embrace therapy

• I’ve been resisting going to therapy for years now. I think therapy is a great thing for people and it would probably be a great thing for me. However, I’m been resistant to this in the past because it seems so incredibly daunting.

14. Take a vacation

• In all actuality, I probably can’t afford this but taking a vacation doesn’t mean going to Europe.

15. Have a meaningful romantic relationship

• I’ve had two important relationships in my life. Both weren’t right for very different reasons. Marriage is on the horizon in the next few years and I don’t feel ready for that in the slightest.

16. Do something that scares me

• I’m not going to skydive, bungee jump, eat bugs or run naked through Manhattan.

17. Stand up in my personal and professional relationships

• This year I had one of the worst jobs of my life. On paper, it looks great but in actuality, I don’t wish it upon my worst enemy. I worked for a group of people that were bully’s…and that’s a nice way of saying. Had I known my own voice, it might not have been so traumatic. In my friendships, I’m so scared of disappointing people or giving anyone a reason to walk away. Instead, I’ll stay passive, internalize an issue, get upset and then cut people off. I definitely have the wrong approach.

18. Release some guilt

• I carry around so much guilt you’d think I was Catholic.

19. Learn a new skill

• I love to learn. I’m the queen of Googling everything and everything. I know how to cook and I sorta know how to knit. Time for something new.

20. Chase my dream job and find contentment

• Since I was little, my dream has been to be a reporter. In this past year, I’ve realized that there is no reason I shouldn’t follow that dream. I’ve been relatively unhappy with my jobs since college (although they were in TV and looked “important”) and that could be because I haven’t been doing what I’ve always wanted.

21. Write this blog and write for pleasure

• I’ve always considered myself a writer. Whether I’m writing an email, a thank-you card or a text message, it’s something I’ve always enjoyed doing. I love words and vocabulary and grammar and my thoughts.

22. Entertain at my home

• I absolutely adore my apartment. It’s spacious, affordable, cute, and “homey.” More people need to share this space with me.

23. Understand when to hold on and let go

• In everything.

24. Do something for someone else every day

• I also hope this blog does something for someone else.

25. Find a sense of peace.